Are you looking for a good laugh? We offer a huge list of funny quotes that will make you laugh. Laughter is truly the best medicine for the soul. According to Tom Wilson, “Smiles are innovations at every price point!” Laughter not only relieves stress, but also lowers blood pressure, perfectly trains the press and releases endorphins. Sometimes all you need in life is a good laugh. Laughter has many health benefits and has been shown to help strengthen your heart muscle and increase endorphins.
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1. “Most people miss an opportunity because they’re wearing overalls and looking like they’re going to work.” —Thomas Edison.
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2. “If you’re going to think, you can also think big.” —Donald Trump
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3. “Opportunity does not knock; he appears when you break the door. —Kyle Chandler
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4. “Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll be overtaken if you just sit there.” —Will Rogers
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5. “If you think you’re too small to make a difference, try sleeping with mosquitoes.” -Dalai Lama
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6. “I want my kids to have everything I can’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” —Phyllis Diller
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7. “Never follow someone else’s path. Unless you’re in the woods and you get lost, and you see a path. So by all means, go this route. —Ellen DeGeneres.
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8. “Insomnia trains your math skills because you spend the night figuring out how much sleep you would get if you could fall asleep right away.” – Incognito.
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9. “In the past, I sold things to make a living. The point is, it’s mine. – The Dawsons.
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10. “I’m sick of chasing my dreams, man. I’ll ask them where they’re going and see them later.” —Mitch Hedberg.
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11. “When I hear someone sigh, ‘Life is hard,’ I’m always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what? “” -Sydney Harris
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12. “If you can look back on something and laugh about it, you can laugh about it right now.” —Marie Osmond.
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13. “Who said, ‘It doesn’t matter whether you win or lose,’ has probably lost.” —Martin Navratilova
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14. “If you fall, I’ll still be here.” -Floor.
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15. “I plan to live forever. So far so good.” —Steven Wright
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16. “Perhaps today is the most Friday that has ever been a Friday.” -Nameless
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17. “Friday is my second favorite F word. Food is my first. -No name
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18. “It’s Friday night. Time to be a hero and save some booze stuck in a bottle.” -No name
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19. “Friday is like a superhero who always comes at the right time to stop me from brutally beating up one of my colleagues with a keyboard.” –West Lee
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20. “It is always difficult to keep Fridays confined to yourself. They tend to spill out. – Parag Tipnis.
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21. “If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn’t have a job if he were smarter.” – John Gotti.
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22. “Hard work never kills anyone, but why take the risk?” —Edgard Bergen
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23. “The only thing that ever succeeded was a chicken.” —Sarah Brown
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24. “No one writes a plan to be broken, lazy, or stupid. Those are the things that happen when you don’t have a plan.” —Larry Winget
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25. “The only place success comes before hard work is in the dictionary.” – Vince Lombardi
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26. “I am not good at giving advice. May I interest you in a sarcastic comment?” —Chandler (Matthew Perry), Friends.
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27. “Have these weird conversations with your friend and think, ‘if someone hears us, we’ll be put in a mental hospital. -Unclear.
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28. “We’ve been friends for so long that I can’t remember which of us was a bad influence.” -Unknown.
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29. “Best friends. They know how crazy you are and always choose to see you in public.” -Unclear
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30. “Best friend: someone you can only get mad at for a short time because you have something important to tell them.” -Unknown
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31. “You know you’re getting old when the candle is more expensive than the cake.” —Bob Hope.
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32. “You finally get to the point where you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.” – Will Rogers.
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33. “Men are like wine. Some turn to vinegar, but the best get better with age. —C.E.M. Joad
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34. “You’re in perfect condition for a classic model. Happy birthday.” —Catherine Pulsifer
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35. “Birthday is good for you. Statistics show who live the longest. – Unknown.
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36. “A thousand years from now archaeologists will dig up tanning beds and think we fried people as punishment” @oliviawilde
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37. “[TRADE ON TV] Me, as a kid: Hey, I got this toy! Me, as an adult: Hey, I’m on this drug.” @mammajessiec
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38. “When parents say to the kids, ‘go into your room and think about what you’ve done,’ it’s actually a good method for what you’re going to do every night as an adult.” @tastefactory
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39. “I told my boyfriend I was going to start getting my period, and he said, ‘Is there anything left??’
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40. “Do runners know that we are no longer food?” @IamEnidColeslaw
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41. “Christmas is a fully done baby shower.” —Andy Borowitz
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42. “This festive season, whatever your religion, take a moment to reflect on why it’s better than all the other days.” —Buy Endore Kaiser
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43. “What I don’t like about Christmas parties at the office is finding work the next day.” —Phyllis Diller.
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44. “Send your packages early so the post office can take them in time for Christmas.” —Johnny Carson.
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45. “Christmas is the season where everyone runs out of money before they run out of friends.” —Larry Wilde.
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46. ”Before marrying someone, you must first make them use a computer with a slow internet to see who they really are.” —Will Ferrell. 47. “I love being married. It’s great to find that special someone you want to annoy for the rest of your life. —Rita Rudner.
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48.“ I haven’t talked to my wife in years. I don’t want to interrupt him. —Rodney Dangerfield
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49. “Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it’s probably crap. – Don’t know.
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50.” Most women want someone who makes them laugh and also feel safe. So basically a ninja clown. -Unknown.
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We’re not doctors, but we can guarantee that laughter is the best medicine! Whether you’re having a hard day, want to ride with me, or just want to laugh, this list of quotes is perfect for you. We’ve put together the funniest quotes, jokes and sayings that can be applied to all occasions.